How Holiday’s Are Supposed To Be
This holiday, like Mother’s Day, is another one of those holiday weekends where your supposed to be traveling somewhere with family and friends, or camping possibly like we are. That is how I grew up, camping with my parents, grandparents and aunt and uncle more weekends than not.
We didn’t have a big family but we did most things together as a family. Birthday’s, Friday’s after work, holiday’s, we would all gather at my grandparent’s home and enjoy each other’s company. My grandmother was an amazing cook. She was the type of woman that wouldn’t take no for an answer. Your full, you say? Well try these oatmeal cookies I just made, their good for you!!
Things changed when my grandmother died in a car accident in 1999. We stopped doing things as a family. We tried for a while, I tried to bring everyone together, my mom tried too, it just didn’t work without my grandmother there to mediate everyone and bring us all in.
My Own Family
With my own family, I never expected to have distance from my own children once they became adults. I assumed that our family times would continue into their adulthood. I homeschooled my two older boys for many years, we played video games together, read books together, went camping together…we were going to be different, or so I thought.🤔
My kids know that if they needed me, they could call me at any time of the day or night. But that’s not the same as being involved in their life. When I was a kid, our family was flexibly enmeshed with each other. There were days that I couldn’t stand them for sure, but at the end of the day they were still my family.
I would describe this current relationship with my adult children more as structurally separated. They will acknowledge that I am their mother on holidays, and maybe a call or text here or there. But no-one shows up at my home, plops themselves on my couch and wonders What’s for dinner Mom? I’d say my relationship with my kids now is mostly superficial. I couldn’t tell you what my kids did last weekend or how they are spending their Memorial Weekend.😳
Aside from my adult children, I have a younger brother, Brodie and an awesome nephew that lives with him, Miles. They live very close to us, yet we have very different lifestyles so we don’t spend as much time together as I’d like. We invited my brother and nephew here to camp with us this weekend too, but they decided to stay home.
This disconnectedness in our family can really be a source of disappointment and depression at times, not just for me but I see it in my parents as well. Last night by the campfire, my mom was voicing her thoughts on the fact that her son wasn’t here and neither were her grandsons. I feel at times, it really requires a conscious effort to focus on the positives in life, and remind your loved ones of that too.
What I Can Control
I don’t like to focus on all that we don’t have, it doesn’t make me
feel good. Thinking of missing my kids and family, only makes me miss them more. And in the end, it is what it is. I hope it is a stage they are going through as young adults and they will gravitate back to being more involved with our family. And for my brother I hope we can strengthen our relationship too, we are all the family we have. But, until that happens I can only control what thoughts I allow myself to think.
What I do have this holiday weekend…my parents camping across the campsite from us, I have my 2 little boys(often bratty), I have my amazing husband, my doggies and our beautiful new RV. That is a lot to be grateful for. And for my parents, the same goes for them. They may not have the family surrounding them that her mother did when life seemed a bit simpler, but she has us, and we share the love for camping together.
Switching Gears To Friday Night Bingo!?
Although my mom and I were a bit depressed about no-one else coming camping with the family, there’s always bingo! lol One of the perks of this camping resort that we belong to is organized family activities. Once a week during the summer they always have a family bingo night. As nerdy as that sounds, my kids always love going to play, and it ends up being a good family time. It is a way to bring all the campers together into the lodge. Being the nerdy girl I am, I will admit that I do like playing bingo, there I said it.🤪
So while I am missing my own adult boys, and my brother and
nephew, I can be grateful for the new memories my little boys are creating, and hope that they will want to be campers when they are older.
Luckily even with 50+ bingo players, me and the boys all managed to win. Not bad for BINGO night!! So tonight, I’ll be grateful for bingo!
Back To Family
Ok, I got off topic there, back to Memorial Weekend. I hope that everyone that comes across this blog finds the best in their own holiday weekend, and to embrace the good times that surround you whether your enjoying the company of friends and family or relaxing to some peace and quiet.
I apologize for my emotional post, sometimes these holidays really get me wound up and it really helps to blog about my thoughts and sort of regroup. Enjoy your Saturday everyone, thanks for reading!
#colecampfireblog, #weekendsaway, #thousandtrails, #100daysofcamping, #Memorialweekend, #bingonight,