Where to start? Can I write this letter to you without crying, meh no. But I’m going to do it anyway, even as I sit in Barnes & Noble sipping my iced tea.
I haven’t spent any quality time with you since you joined the Navy almost 3 years ago? I can’t remember exactly. Before you left for boot camp you stayed at home and we hung out for weeks together like when you were a kid. I had you all to myself for weeks! I had no clue that would have to last me this long. We reminisced of when you were a bratty, know-it-all first born, rotten, kid! Haha
Well, your still a bratty, know-it-all, first born… that much hasn’t changed. But tell me what has? Are you happy? Lonely? Are you in a bad place, making the best of a hasty marriage? Do you miss your family? I want you to miss us and don’t want you to at the same time. Does that make any sense?
I know you call once a month or so when your in the car on the way home from work, or you call to share with me something exciting that you know I will listen to. For me, it might as well be about the weather… it doesn’t really tell me how you are, or if your ok. I still worry.
As a mom, I don’t even need to spend time with you, if I could just hear your voice fill the house. Laughing with your brothers or even chatting online with your headset on. As much as I hated that-that would warm my heart.
Your only 5 hours away from home but it might as well be 25 when your wife doesn’t like me. I wish you would come home to see us and your brother Jared. He’s struggled a lot having his big brother leave. You guys used to play your video games online together all the time, lately he says you don’t anymore.
Just the other day it was, June 1st, was the day your dad and I married soo long ago. How did my parents allow me to marry at 18? Haha, I guess I was a bratty, rotten kid too. I don’t regret that time. Mistakes happen and sometimes love doesn’t last. I wish your dad all the best.
If I can pass on one bit of advice your grandpa told me, when we went through our divorce… It didn’t make me a failure, it was just a mistake. I’m still a good person. It doesn’t make you a bad person when things don’t work out sometimes. Your future is still so bright!
Just keep that in mind, Im not saying things won’t work out for you kiddo, but I don’t want you to find yourself stuck in an unhealthy situation where your beating yourself up and not reaching out to family. We will always be proud of you. I worry your trying your heart out to make it work, and staying away from family to appease her.
Just know, When you need us, when the time is right, we will be here for you. Until then, make good choices son! Take care of Jordan! Your mom loves you so much!!!